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Christian_and_Proud
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Name: Sora
Gender: Female
Interests: Jesus Christ, Korea, Piano, Violin, Accoustic Guitar, Writing, Poetry, Social Justice, International Relations, Missionary, Learning languages(korean, english, spanish, japanese)...IMPACT THE WORLD~
Expertise: Being me.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  OceansNdlessTide
Member Since:
3/31/2003
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| I've been hesitant to write about my feelings on a hard-copy journal... as if writing them out, exhaling them out from my heart onto paper, making them more visible, would also make my feelings... more concrete.
Maybe it's a refusal to admit, a stubbornness that denies my feelings. | | |
| "I know another's secret but do not reveal it
and he knows that I know, but does not acknowledge it:
the intensity between us is simply this secret about the secret."
- Jean Baudrillard | | |
| when do you let go and when do you commit.
when do you draw the line and when do you take a leap. | | |
| I would like something God-ordained and not based on impulse, but at the same time I get really restless waiting. | | |
| I don't know why I feel so restless all the time...
This week started off fine, and I remember being in a really good mood Monday... and then, somewhere along the way, my emotions went downhill...
Is it because my dad lectured me tonight, as he often does? Or is it because my mom lashed out at me last night when she was actually mad at someone else, taking her anger out on me?
Or maybe all those small incidences were just triggers, not the actual cause of my recent inner turmoil...
I keep wondering what I have to look forward to; it's clear I only cling to the good memories of the past while trapped in the "dryness" of the present and trying to ignore the "blandness" of the future to come.
Every time someone asks me how my week was, I don't know how to answer because I feel like almost every week is relatively the same. Life after graduation has always been... "the same." Although the comfort I feel at home is of course a lot better than the horror I felt in Korea, pleasantries can be construed boring, and not without reason.
I wish every week was different. I wish every day was different.
I wish for a stable job, but ironically, I also wish I wouldn't have the same job for the next few decades to come.
Just what is it that I'm looking for exactly?
What is this longing that my body is made of...? | | |
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